Emotions, melancholy, and apathy really affected me for about a month.
I’ve been in the process of understanding my emotions and melancholy for quite some time. However, I haven’t experienced intense apathy in over six years.
This was a rough time. I didn’t feel passionate or excited about writing these blogs, working on my website, or doing anything else at all in life.
I just didn’t care. I was not interested or concerned about moving forward with anything.
I spent hours scrolling through Facebook posts, watching TV, or emotionally eating.
I’m furloughed from my job. I go to bed late. I sleep late. I didn’t feel like I had any purpose.
I had plenty of time, but didn’t do much. Our house needs to be cleaned, and our dogs need to be groomed – both are long overdue. Cooking is such a chore – I prefer not doing it.
My mind had a lot to say about this ‘Being Authentic Now’ venture:
⦁ Did you make the right decision?
⦁ Why aren’t that many people interested?
⦁ You only have a few people supporting you.
⦁ Your closest family members and long-time friends are not supporting your journey.
⦁ No one cares.
⦁ You invited so many to your Facebook page, and so few accepted the invites.
⦁ Those who accepted it are barely engaging in your posts.
⦁ You must be doing something wrong.
⦁ Facebook sucks – the algorithms mess up potential interactions.
⦁ People are not interested in looking at your website.
⦁ They are not signing up for your newsletter.
⦁ Some signed up to appease you – they haven’t even read one blog post yet.
⦁ You haven’t received the same support as in the past.
⦁ They haven’t checked in with you to see how you’re doing.
⦁ Why aren’t more people interested?
⦁ Don’t they like what I have shared?
⦁ No one seems to like what you have to say anymore.
⦁ I don’t care if this decision felt right, nothing about it seems right now.
⦁ What’s the point?
⦁ Why do I bother?
⦁ I’m not motivated.
⦁ I need support and I’m not getting it – so this must be wrong.
⦁ I’m not benefiting from this experience now.
⦁ I’m not inspired.
⦁ Am I wasting my time?
⦁ I need mutually beneficial relationships.
⦁ How will I help anyone?
⦁ Why do I feel SO apathetic?
This was just a glimpse into some of the many thoughts that popped into my head.
I didn’t realize why I felt that way. I forgot that apathy is a natural part of me – it’s within my roots. It’s revealed in my Human Design chart – my unique life blueprint/user manual.
Once I remembered, it was a lot easier to accept. Understanding the way I’m designed to engage harmoniously in life has helped me tremendously.
When I’m present to aspects of myself – especially those that have not been favorable – it helps me deal with racing thoughts. Awareness tames the ‘thought party’ in my head.
Without understanding my emotional system, melancholy, and apathy, I would probably be really depressed now. Instead, I am able to relax and say, “Oh – that’s just me. There’s nothing wrong.”
In the past, my non-stop, negative thoughts led to depression. I didn’t understand my body’s natural mechanics, and my mind made up a lot of disastrous stories.
Society says so many negative things about being down, so I mentally tried to flee from what I was feeling, and it only got worse. What I resisted – persisted.
A true lifesaver – preventing depression over the past six years – is realizing that melancholy, emotions, and apathy will naturally affect me for the rest of my life. I cannot avoid them, just like a tree cannot evade its roots. And if I try – it will only intensify my thoughts and feelings.
I tried making myself happy when I felt down by listening to ‘happy’ music, repeating positive affirmations, or reading books that claimed to show the way to happiness. This only prolonged my ‘down’ feeling.
Ironically, ‘trying to be happy’ added fuel to my ‘down’ mood. And my thoughts caused that fire to rage out of control.
When I had my Human Design Foundation reading in 2014, the analyst shared a technique that I experimented with when I felt down.
⦁ Spend time alone – this period generates a creative energy within
⦁ Realize that it’s a natural chemical state
⦁ Say, “Oh, there’s my melancholy” (or emotion, or apathy) – in a matter of fact way – without creating a story about it
⦁ Just wallow in it – allow yourself to be sad, without it meaning anything
⦁ Listen to sad music
⦁ Test it – observe what you wallow in
⦁ See what resonates exactly with your feelings in that moment, and let it penetrate you
⦁ Allow the process, without it meaning you’ll be like that forever
⦁ This feeling will pass, it always does – it’s the way the energy works
⦁ Sometimes it hits a plateau for a while before it passes
⦁ Just know “There is nothing wrong!”
She also said that “two negatives create a positive.” I surprisingly remembered this from my high school math and physics classes.
I tested this concept. When I was angry or frustrated, I listened to songs that completely resonated with how I was feeling – lyrics that connected with my anger and frustration. I did the same when I felt sad, and observed my body’s reaction.
Two negatives did create a positive. My anger, frustration, and sadness lifted so much faster than it had in the past when I listened to happy songs.
This is my experience. Yours may be different. Would you like to experiment and see?
I was afraid to wallow in my feelings – fearing I would get stuck in that ‘low’ place. Yet, the opposite happened – it passed through quicker.
Dealing with my recent apathy included a huge ‘ah-ha’ moment. “Oh yeah, that’s right – it’s natural – I am going to experience apathy at times throughout life.” It hasn’t affected me with such intensity for over six years, so I forgot about it.
After my ‘ah-ha’ moment, my body relaxed. My mind had been trying to figure out ‘why’ I felt that way, and what was wrong with me.
Our minds make it a ‘bad’ thing – there must be some reason we feel this way – it’s not ‘normal.’
Understanding that something is naturally occurring within us can alleviate the non-stop mental chatter. There is nothing ‘wrong’ – it’s just part of life.
An inner chemistry triggering my emotions and melancholy is part of my nature, along with apathy. Knowing this has been a lifesaver – helping me relax, and providing incredible relief to my mind.
My roots are not the same as yours. We are all unique, and require different tendering.
Can you accept every aspect of yourself – especially those you have not favored?
I honor you. I appreciate you. I support you.
Warmly,
Allison
If you are new to Human Design, would you like to learn about your unique nature?
If you have been experimenting, but are stuck or need more clarity, would you like to connect?
Call/Text: 864-735-0416
Email: connect@beingauthenticnow.com
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