It’s been ‘a minute’… Quickly approaching 2023, my last blog post was in early 2021.
My mind has driven me NUTS since then. OMG – it made me feel so bad about not writing during this extremely long hiatus.
It seemed like it took forever before I had energy to write.
Then I wrote, but nothing flowed. My mind beat me up about that too.
So, here I am – with no specific topic. Yet, so much has happened in my life. But where do I start? What do I share?
The most important thing I’ve learned about this process is that I cannot force anything. NOTHING! I cannot initiate. I am not designed to initiate, even though that’s what I did for most of my life.
Society conditions us to initiate. Very few (about 10% of the population) are designed to do it effectively. The rest of us can meet resistance when we initiate, yet we keep trying to plow through it. We can wear ourselves down in the process and become frustrated, bitter, or disappointed.
I used to initiate everything my mind said I should do. I created the longest to-do list and needed to accomplish everything (yesterday). That was so exhausting!
My body needs energy to be productive. And I can’t force that energy.
I am born with the energy to produce and accomplish things. However, most of my life I forced results. I was a slave to my to-do list. I was a slave to my calendar. I was a slave to my mind.
My mind made all the plans. My body paid the price.
I encountered resistance. Exhaustion and frustration were my warning signs. I ignored them.
I used to attend EVERY event, gathering, party, etc. in which I received an invitation. “No” was not part of my vocabulary. My calendar was full. I didn’t take time to myself, so I wasn’t able to relax and unwind. Self-care was as foreign to me as speaking French.
I didn’t feel at ease, nor was I fulfilled. I complained I had no time. I moved from one task or connection to the next, with barely a moment to breathe. My ‘energy tank’ ran on fumes for too long.
What’s different now…
I pay attention to my body’s energy. I am no longer a slave to my mind, a to-do list, or the calendar.
However, I am not perfect. I may act upon my thoughts, but it’s no longer the norm. And I am deeply aware of my choices. Life is an ongoing learning experience. I experiment with it – noticing what works and what doesn’t.
How I honor my energy…
- My USPS mail can remain on the counter, unopened for weeks at a time.
- My email inbox has tons of unread emails.
- My suitcase is on the floor of my closet, waiting to be put back on the top shelf. It has been there since we returned from Colorado in early September.
- I purchased shelf liners when we moved in mid-July. They are still in the store bag.
- My closet is in disarray, and has not been organized since our move.
- Cleaning my bathroom is long overdue.
- There are numerous texts I have not replied to yet.
- I say “No” (when needed) to invitations, gatherings, events, etc. – including those involving family.
- I listen more and talk less.
- I walk away from (or ignore) others’ mind-dumping ‘chatter.’
- I waited several months before setting up my new phone.
- I still have not transferred files to my new laptop that I acquired almost a year ago.
- My to-do list has things on it, but I’m no longer attached to completing them ASAP, or at all.
I wait until I have energy for a specific task or connection. I may wait for days, weeks, months, and even years.
If I don’t have energy to cook or clean, I don’t do it. If I don’t have energy to shop for the things needed on my list, I wait.
If I don’t have energy to text or make a phone call, I wait. I no longer worry about trying to please others, or even myself.
There comes a point where my body responds to the dirty bathroom, dishes in the sink, something on my to-do list, a piece of mail to be opened, or interacting with others. My body moves towards something (i.e. a sink full of dishes that have been sitting there for days) and takes action, WITHOUT my mind saying, “You should get those dishes out of the sink. That’s disgusting that they’ve been there for days.”
When I wait until I have energy, I have so much more to give. I feel revitalized. I enjoy relaxing and being at ease, have plenty of time, and I’m more present and aware. Tasks are completed effortlessly, and my connections are incredibly fulfilling.
Our energy is our life force. It is precious. It is priceless.
Questions to Deepen Your Awareness
Without making yourself wrong, or changing anything, are you willing to notice how you expend your energy during the next week?
Do you engage in tasks and/or connections that fuel you?
Do you engage in tasks and/or connections that drain you?
Ra’s Rendition – Homogenization
“It’s so easy to sink into homogenization because homogenization gives you the false illusion that there’s somebody else or something else that’s going to look after you, that if you wear that uniform that everybody else is wearing, that somehow, you’re protected. And that uniform isn’t physical, it’s psychological. You walk around with a uniform, you have the same conforming concepts that are around you, and that you are not going to say something, utter something that is going to bring that confrontation into your life; you just conform.”
“The fact is that to live your difference takes great courage. And you have to be so secure in who you are. It’s only then that you can survive that. It’s only then that you can find your unique way, because wherever you turn in this life, there are the forces of conformity that are there, that are trying to pull you in and homogenize you into what they expect.”— Ra Uru Hu, You and Your Family